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The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had. I check the lookout hole and shake my head.“Hello Mrs. Montgomery, what brings you to my neck of the woods,” I ask as I open the door.“We need to talk now,” She says as I watch her enter passing me and looking around my room,” you spend a bit when you travel?”“I like to sleep peacefully so that when I work people get what they pay for and the answer is no,” I tell her closing the door.“No what,” Claire asks confused.“No I am going to go visit our friend and I am going to tell her husband the truth about what happened,” I state and watch Claire’s face sour.“You can’t,” she pleads and I nod my head.“Actually yes I can, the word you’re looking for is probably shouldn’t or should not,” I tell her and she give me the ‘woman grumpy’ look.“Well you know what I mean. Meredith is a good woman and a good mother,” she says and I cut her off.“Just like you and she swore she’d keep her word and she signed just like you. So what does that say about good people, that it’s okay they break the rules.
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